Richard (Psychotic Maniac)
Team Leader, Test Rider and Human Shield
We have snappages!"
The driving force behind the whole project, Richard is completely
obsessed with fuel injection. Before injection, he was obsessed with
building his own jet turbine, although he lost interest in that little
venture after the test-runs of an early prototype shot flames 12 feet
out the garage door, peppered the fence with molten metal, and caused
the neighbours to complain to the council (again). He still denies that
annoying the neighbours was the inspiration behind the whole thing, even
though the jet exhaust was pointed squarely at their bedroom window.
Richard is competent with a MIG welder, skilled with a lathe
and a genius with a soldering iron. He believes that protective clothing
is for wimps, which explains the nice tan from welding flash. Amazingly,
Richard still has most of his own skin, and his eyebrows always seem
to grow back eventually. We all dive behind Richard when things start
to go wrong.
A keen motorcyclist, Richard enjoys sliding both tyres simultaneously
and using the road to grind holes in his exhaust pipes. He also
uses asphalt to file his toenails, although he doesn't take his boots
off first. He has a special fascination with roundabouts, and often
gets off his bike halfway around to examine them in more detail.
Richard enjoys annoying his neighbours and cooking cats for
nutrition, fun and profit.
Steve (Inbred Redneck)
Test Rider, Scribe and Comic Relief.
drink anything I can get in my mouth best try outta three!"
All the technical expertise in the world is of no use if
you don't have anyone stupid enough to ride the finished product.
Drumroll, please... It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the Flying
Freak! If he's not getting air over speedbumps, he's flying off the
bike and over a cliff.Steve firmly maintains that "…if it's got two wheels
and an engine, I can crash it!" and was selected as test rider because if
anything goes wrong we won't feel guilty about laughing at him. Also, he
has owned a variety of carburetted and fuel injected motorcycles, all
of which he has dropped, written off or inflicted major mechanical
damage on. He's not a very good rider, but he is crap with style.
He firmly believes that metres of gaffer tape, kilos of
Selley's Knead-It and a bodgy paintjob applied with a dunny brush
are all that is required to restore a wreck to roadworthy condition.
Somebody should probably tell him otherwise, but given that nobody
else is stupid enough to ride Project Shitbox, he'll probably find
out for himself eventually. It should be spectacular, so we'll do our
best to be there with the cameras rolling.
Steve has a secret ambition to
be a bike journalist one day, because they get bribed to write lies
and he thinks that sounds glamorous. He’s responsible for most of
the wordy-type stuff on this website.
Apart from writing off motorcycles, Steve's hobbies include
cow tipping, shooting at road signs and drinking metho. Steve lives
in Gympie (where else?)
Neil (Deranged Freak)
Programmer, Technical Insultant and Cameraman
let me get a photo of that before it blows up.... oops, too late!"
Neil doesn't wear coke-bottle glasses and a vinyl pocket
protector full of pens, but he's as technically competent as anyone
who does. If it's made of impure silicon and goes "beep", Neil's your
man. He can make a computer... well, sitting up and begging isn't the
half of it. He's also good with electronics, which is very handy. When
Richard blows something up, Neil can usually tell what went wrong, and
sometimes even why. Once or twice he's even been able to stop it from
If he had a wand and a cloak with sigils on it we'd call
him a technical wizard, but he doesn't, so we don't. If he was a
little more polite we'd call him a CONsultant rather than an INsultant,
Neil has also taken up the challenge of recording our exploits
for posterity with a Sony digital video camera. It's a scary job,
but someone's gotta do it and Neil drew the short straw. Neil's favourite
camera technique is the jiggly hand-held look favoured by amateur porno
directors, sleazy current affairs shows and "artistic" documentary
makers. He won't get headhunted by CNN or the BBC, but at least he's
better than most of the camera monkeys at Channel 9.
Neil spends his spare time knitting
socks, practicing origami (he’s a forty-seventh dan), and beating
up little old ladies.
The Cunning Stunters
Mad as they are, there are some
things that Steve and Richard won't do on camera. The reasons are of a
legal nature, quite complex, and potentially very expensive. So for some
of the GR's supplementary stunt shots, we needed a pair of truly depraved
individuals who didn't mind being photographed in compromising positions.
These two shall (mercifully) remain nameless, but rest assured they are
(like the rest of the Feral Injection crew) certifiably insane and completely
devoid of both fear and common sense.
The one on the left only communicates
in monosyllabic grunts (which sound like a constipated pig).
The one on the right gets his point across remarkably well with a wide
range of obscene gestures.